Friends.

Friends are remarkable things, huh? I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. Whether they are here or far away, I couldn't have better friends.

The fact that two of them in the last week have offered me loans because of my serious financial struggle absolutely amazes me. Not just because it is so unbelievably generous of them, but because it's crazy to think that some people my age are in places to offer loans. Are you kidding? I can barely afford my next meal let alone think of lending money to someone. I would love to be able to have the funds to lend out if a friend needed it. That would be the best feeling in the world. Unlike being the friend who needs the loan. Blah.

I am very ready for February to be over and for March to begin. March will be better all around. I can feel it. T-minus 27 days til LA Marathon.

Thank you to all of my wonderful, loving, amazing friends and family. I couldn't be here doing what I do without you.

xoxo

Coffee for the soul.

Drew Bear.

Heart.

This should be a Coors Light ad.

Drew and his boyfriend finally called it quits. And, when that happens, beer pong seems to be the only cure. This is what we did last Friday afternoon before hitting up Chipotle for dinner and margs (keeping with our Friday tradition). He seemed in better spirits by the end of it all. Gotta love friends. Love you Drew.

These are taking me places.

Palm Springs, I love you.

Palm Springs, CA is my place to retreat away from the big city. It's about two hours straight East from LA. I'm incredibly fortunate to have a place to stay there. Nate's mom, Kathy (or as I call her, Kips) has a condo there and was out for the week so Nate and I decided to drive down for a night. Even getting down late in the evening and waking up there for five hours in the sun was enough for me.

The Ace Hotel is right across the street from the condo and they serve the best breakfast in town. The boys and I usually stay at the Ace when there are a bunch of us going. It's pretty awesome. It is kind of like you stepped into a 1970's Urban Outfitter's version of a hotel. Very groovy.

I feel refreshed and replenished, and look a little more sun kissed. Thank you Palm Springs.

Yes, this is me driving back to LA. Baller.

Joey's.

Joey's Cafe has been my sanctuary since I moved to LA. Really.

Not only do three of my best friends work here, but the food is amazing, and so is the vibe. It's exactly the kind of coffee shop I like to spend hours in. Whether eating, chatting or simply people watching, it never fails to amaze me. Plus, there is always a celebrity or two to be seen, which is always fun.

Drew is in the pic walking in the green shirt. He's wonderful. We've joked before about having someone film our lives, documenting the ridiculousness of it all. I think it'd be a pretty great show, worth watching for sure. There is always some kind of drama to be seen or heard.

Today I am spending my few hours here working on sending out my headshot/resume to various student films and possible webisodes hoping for a call for an audition. It needs to be done, and it needs to happen, soon. Here's to hoping!

New work.

This is Raksa. A wellness center I recently got a job at. It is so amazing! I'm working in the cafe, and this is what I look at all day long. So peaceful.

I get free yoga and tai chi and a great discount on all of the facials, massages and astrology readings I want. Love!

I'll hopefully be working here three days a week and at Barney's three to four days a week, so to help financially.

Two jobs. Seems like a common thing nowadays.

Yogurt is the best thing. Ever.

Nate, Aaron and I went for yogurt at the BEST yogurt place in Los Angeles yesterday, Yogurt Stop. It seriously is the best yogurt, and I will challenge anyone to a taste-off if needed. It's right in the heart of West Hollywood so there is always a plethora of man candy to look at. Too bad none of it is for me. At least Aaron and Nate had a good time.

We then went and met up with Drew to continue a kind of tradition of getting Chipotle margaritas on rainy Friday afternoons. The three of us hadn't seen Drew in what seemed like forever so it was a much needed catch-up session.

We mainly talked about relationships and what kind of problems age differences in relationships may cause. Drew is eight years older than his boyfriend so naturally things are coming up that only age difference can explain. Just the mere fact that his boyfriend hasn't had as much dating experience, and hasn't been out nearly as long as Drew has, makes things difficult. It's hard to say, though, that having such a large gap between ages is a good or bad thing. I feel like a few generations ago it was the norm to have a few good years between two people in a relationship...nowadays it seems like more and more people are sticking to a couple of years, if that. Unless, of course, you're a cougar.

Out of the four of us we all seemed to have very different viewpoints on the situation. Or just on dating in general. What to do, what not to do. How that would make someone feel, and how another might feel completely opposite in the same situation. We were all pretty different. Which just goes to show that dating is tough. You never know how someone new you're dating is going to react to different situations in a relationship. Everyone is different, and that makes dating and finding someone you can actually be with feel near impossible.

This is work, on caffeine.

This is the exact same picture as below, but I just happened to have been bumped while taking it. I like this picture because sometimes this is how I feel when I'm at work, especially when over-caffeinated, which is a lot of the time. My co-workers expect to see either a sugar free red bull or a togo coffee cup in my hand for at least the first half hour of shift...and if it's the weekend you'll see me carrying around some form of caffeinated beverage 'til around noon. Is that how my generation gets by? Caffeine? Or is it just me? Meh, I'm alright with it.

Barneys Beanery Burbank

This is where I work. This is where I make that money. That green money.

And, yes, those really are car seats at the bar and license plates on the ceiling.

Coffee with Nate

Nate and I had coffee this morning at this great cafe around the corner from our building called The Lost Souls Cafe. The name couldn't be more fitting, especially for what our conversation consisted of. Side note: Nate is my best friend, who I would love to marry, but unfortunately, for me, he is gay. All the good ones seem to be.

We started talking about turning 25 and what that means for us. Referencing some movies we watched last night, which all consisted of some kind of love, we decided that finding love, true love, that ends in marriage and children is something that will be incredibly difficult, maybe impossible, to do here in LA. Yes, some people do find that here, but for the most part I think that this city is full of people looking for the next best thing. And, why not? Los Angeles is filled with the most beautiful, wealthy people on the planet...why settle down when you could have so many affairs with drop-dead gorgeous human beings? 30 is the new 20. 40 is the new 30. You can stay young and hot here for what seems like forever. Straight and gay alike, this city is not for the settling down type.

So where does that leave us? Nate is working for a company that he really enjoys but doesn't see a future there. I am working in a restaurant with people I truly like, looking for a second job to help with the bills, and trying to be an actor which is nearly impossible in this city. Both of us struggling financially, looking for an impossible love, and life...we're a little hopeless. Maybe hopeless isn't the right word. That sounds, well, hopeless.

It's hard because I am finally feeling like I'm getting to know Los Angeles a little more. I have more friends, I'm actually out on the dating scene, I love living downtown, and I really want to see what I can accomplish here. But, is the financial struggle, being so far from my family, and "fakeness" of this city really worth it? Hard to say. This is where I was last September. Trying to figure out if staying was the right decision. I've wanted to act for as long as I can remember, so that was a big deciding factor. I hadn't given LA a true, fair shot since I moved here because I was so wrapped up in my job for the last year and a half. Nate and I both signed a 6 month lease, which then goes month to month, so we have the option after June to get out if we want. That's kind of comforting. I just don't want to give up on my dream, and this city, too early. I don't want to move to Chicago, or anywhere, and a few months down the road realize that I left too soon.

Man, 25 sure is putting a lot of pressure on me to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. Thanks 25, thanks. I need another cup of coffee.

In the in between

Starting fresh. Kind of a scary thought.

But, then I realize that starting fresh, starting new, is healthy and one should do it often to create a better sense of self. It should not be shied away from.

I wanted to write about what being in your mid-twenties in Los Angeles (or any city, really) is actually like. The ups, the downs, the total crap we all go through as well as the absolutely amazing realities of what being in your mid-twenties in Los Angeles really are. I may bitch about this and that, as we all do, but in all honesty there isn't much to complain about. This is completely the age to be this age.

I am calling this In The In Between because that is where I feel the vast majority of us are. The in between. Between figuring out where we came from and where we are going. Between childhood and true adulthood. (Let's face it, paying bills and being out on our own doesn't completely make us adults...one has to add children to that mix to make it official.) Between who we have known and who we want to be.

You never know where life will lead you. Let's enjoy the ride, capture the moments and let ourselves be fully immersed in the beautiful melancholy that is life.