Change of pace.

Well, it's been a month. Sorry 'bout it.

Today was a good day. I've been serving at the Beanery since October and today was the first day I did something out of the ordinary regarding work. I was able to go to work with Jordan (my new roomie, in Silverlake) and act as a Production Assistant on a Spec shoot for Nurse Jackie. Jordan works for Rick Floyd (one of the biggest Art Directors in the business) as his lead man. Rick's assistant is Jax, a super kick-ass kind of girl from New York City. She is trying to train me in to help assist in all the business aspects of the various shoots and what-nots coming up. If this works out I may be looking at a brighter, more financially sound, more fun future. Keep your fingers crossed!

Things are looking up!

xo

25 going on 25?

I hear people saying "I'm 25 going on 30." or "I'm 40 going on 50." or what have you, but rarely do I hear "I'm 25 going on 25."

What I mean by that statement is that I feel stagnant in my life right now. Maybe that's not entirely a bad thing, but it's making me restless. With my 25th birthday coming up this July I'm feeling some pressure to figure out what my next step is going to be. I've told myself that I am going to stick it out through the summer here in LA living with Jessie, and hopefully finding a job in Hollywood. If it gets to around the end of August and I'm still feeling restless, and not making any headway in my finance department, then I am going to reassess things. Maybe another move? NYC? Chicago? Run away to London with Meredith? Sure, why not?

Apparently you're supposed to have some stuff figured out by the time you turn 25. Or, at least that's what your parents, peers and society have to say. Why 25? What is the big deal that has made everyone's subconscious hyper-aware that when you creep towards 25 you're supposed to have some things settled, and your wreckless late teens and early twenties behavior should be well put away and done with. Is this the age where we are considered adults, finally? Is this the cut off for having unnecessary debt, help from parents in emergency situations, and the need to have two non-fulfilling jobs while still not making ends meet at the end of the month? Should we be better than we were at 24?

I'm not saying that I don't agree with what I said before. I think there's something to the age of 25 that does make you less of a child in their early twenties and you've now moved onto your mid-late twenties which inherently makes you an adult. (Though, I don't believe you're really an adult until you've had children.)

Going back to what I said in the beginning about 25 going on 25. This next year I feel is going to be one of major change. I said that about the year 2010 and so far I see some things happening. But, I feel a BIG change in the near future. I feel like my 25th year of life will be one that I will remember forever. And right now, I can't see past 25. Yes I know there will be many more years after that. But. That's where my focus is right now. That's where things are going to happen. And that's, hopefully, where I'll get some clarity on what the hell I'm supposed to be doing in this life.

Get ready 25. Here I come.

I wish I was a writer.

Sometimes I sit in front of this blog for hours just wondering what I can or should say. How do some people have that knack for writing and others don't? I want to write important things, or things that people actually want to read that they find interesting. I want to ask questions that make people think. I want to write about relatable issues. I want to write.

My views from my downtown loft.

Photography.

I miss taking photos. I miss the part of me that used to travel and see the beauty and mystery in the simplicity of life. What I wouldn't give to be able to buy a really great camera and take off for 6 months and travel and take photos of the world.

Change. Again.

Today is my last day at Raksa. It seems like the hours I'm getting at Barney's and they money I am making are going to be enough (for the time being) for me to make it each month. I will miss my Raksa family, but looking ahead to a fun, less stressful summer.

I'm selling my car. The Little Furv Monster is getting a new owner, hopefully this week. I shipped my moms car out here last week and will take over ownership of her until I find another car hopefully this fall. She'll make due til then.

I'm moving, again! As of May 1st I'll be residing in the beautiful home of Jessie Webster. Her roomie Poppy is moving out after living there for quite some time and I am the lucky person who gets to move in! Cannot wait to live with a girl again, have a full kitchen and actual space to live and create in.

Hopefully this June I will be able to go home, it's been way too long. My nephews are growing so much and I'm missing it! It will be so nice to be there, and for longer than a few days I hope.

That's all for now, I'll be posting again soon. Love.

Marathon.

26.2 miles. Done!

It went really well considering it was my first one. I came in right at 5 hours which is what I was hoping to do. I'm definitely still feeling the soreness today, 3 days later, but it will soon pass and I will be hitting the pavement again. (I'm actually feeling the itch to run again already...)

I got a package on Monday from one of the most amazing people in the world, Pete from Mpls, congratulating me on the accomplishment. Here is what I got:

Couldn't have been anymore beautiful or sweet.

I had the best support group the day of, and the greatest bunch of friends meet up with me after to celebrate. It was a really, really wonderful day. Thanks to everyone, here and away, who supported me through all of the training, and to those who sent me positive thoughts and vibes the day of. You certainly helped!! Much love,

xo

Marathon excitement.

Two and a half weeks. How did it come up so quickly?! Regardless, I couldn't be more excited. I completed an 18 mile run yesterday and totally rocked it. I can't even believe still that I did that. Who runs 18 miles and is able to be alive, well and walking comfortably the next day?!

Keep me in your thoughts. Actually, keep my knees in your thoughts. xo

Friends.

Friends are remarkable things, huh? I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. Whether they are here or far away, I couldn't have better friends.

The fact that two of them in the last week have offered me loans because of my serious financial struggle absolutely amazes me. Not just because it is so unbelievably generous of them, but because it's crazy to think that some people my age are in places to offer loans. Are you kidding? I can barely afford my next meal let alone think of lending money to someone. I would love to be able to have the funds to lend out if a friend needed it. That would be the best feeling in the world. Unlike being the friend who needs the loan. Blah.

I am very ready for February to be over and for March to begin. March will be better all around. I can feel it. T-minus 27 days til LA Marathon.

Thank you to all of my wonderful, loving, amazing friends and family. I couldn't be here doing what I do without you.

xoxo

Coffee for the soul.

Drew Bear.

Heart.

This should be a Coors Light ad.

Drew and his boyfriend finally called it quits. And, when that happens, beer pong seems to be the only cure. This is what we did last Friday afternoon before hitting up Chipotle for dinner and margs (keeping with our Friday tradition). He seemed in better spirits by the end of it all. Gotta love friends. Love you Drew.

These are taking me places.

Palm Springs, I love you.

Palm Springs, CA is my place to retreat away from the big city. It's about two hours straight East from LA. I'm incredibly fortunate to have a place to stay there. Nate's mom, Kathy (or as I call her, Kips) has a condo there and was out for the week so Nate and I decided to drive down for a night. Even getting down late in the evening and waking up there for five hours in the sun was enough for me.

The Ace Hotel is right across the street from the condo and they serve the best breakfast in town. The boys and I usually stay at the Ace when there are a bunch of us going. It's pretty awesome. It is kind of like you stepped into a 1970's Urban Outfitter's version of a hotel. Very groovy.

I feel refreshed and replenished, and look a little more sun kissed. Thank you Palm Springs.

Yes, this is me driving back to LA. Baller.

Joey's.

Joey's Cafe has been my sanctuary since I moved to LA. Really.

Not only do three of my best friends work here, but the food is amazing, and so is the vibe. It's exactly the kind of coffee shop I like to spend hours in. Whether eating, chatting or simply people watching, it never fails to amaze me. Plus, there is always a celebrity or two to be seen, which is always fun.

Drew is in the pic walking in the green shirt. He's wonderful. We've joked before about having someone film our lives, documenting the ridiculousness of it all. I think it'd be a pretty great show, worth watching for sure. There is always some kind of drama to be seen or heard.

Today I am spending my few hours here working on sending out my headshot/resume to various student films and possible webisodes hoping for a call for an audition. It needs to be done, and it needs to happen, soon. Here's to hoping!

New work.

This is Raksa. A wellness center I recently got a job at. It is so amazing! I'm working in the cafe, and this is what I look at all day long. So peaceful.

I get free yoga and tai chi and a great discount on all of the facials, massages and astrology readings I want. Love!

I'll hopefully be working here three days a week and at Barney's three to four days a week, so to help financially.

Two jobs. Seems like a common thing nowadays.

Yogurt is the best thing. Ever.

Nate, Aaron and I went for yogurt at the BEST yogurt place in Los Angeles yesterday, Yogurt Stop. It seriously is the best yogurt, and I will challenge anyone to a taste-off if needed. It's right in the heart of West Hollywood so there is always a plethora of man candy to look at. Too bad none of it is for me. At least Aaron and Nate had a good time.

We then went and met up with Drew to continue a kind of tradition of getting Chipotle margaritas on rainy Friday afternoons. The three of us hadn't seen Drew in what seemed like forever so it was a much needed catch-up session.

We mainly talked about relationships and what kind of problems age differences in relationships may cause. Drew is eight years older than his boyfriend so naturally things are coming up that only age difference can explain. Just the mere fact that his boyfriend hasn't had as much dating experience, and hasn't been out nearly as long as Drew has, makes things difficult. It's hard to say, though, that having such a large gap between ages is a good or bad thing. I feel like a few generations ago it was the norm to have a few good years between two people in a relationship...nowadays it seems like more and more people are sticking to a couple of years, if that. Unless, of course, you're a cougar.

Out of the four of us we all seemed to have very different viewpoints on the situation. Or just on dating in general. What to do, what not to do. How that would make someone feel, and how another might feel completely opposite in the same situation. We were all pretty different. Which just goes to show that dating is tough. You never know how someone new you're dating is going to react to different situations in a relationship. Everyone is different, and that makes dating and finding someone you can actually be with feel near impossible.

This is work, on caffeine.

This is the exact same picture as below, but I just happened to have been bumped while taking it. I like this picture because sometimes this is how I feel when I'm at work, especially when over-caffeinated, which is a lot of the time. My co-workers expect to see either a sugar free red bull or a togo coffee cup in my hand for at least the first half hour of shift...and if it's the weekend you'll see me carrying around some form of caffeinated beverage 'til around noon. Is that how my generation gets by? Caffeine? Or is it just me? Meh, I'm alright with it.

Barneys Beanery Burbank

This is where I work. This is where I make that money. That green money.

And, yes, those really are car seats at the bar and license plates on the ceiling.

Coffee with Nate

Nate and I had coffee this morning at this great cafe around the corner from our building called The Lost Souls Cafe. The name couldn't be more fitting, especially for what our conversation consisted of. Side note: Nate is my best friend, who I would love to marry, but unfortunately, for me, he is gay. All the good ones seem to be.

We started talking about turning 25 and what that means for us. Referencing some movies we watched last night, which all consisted of some kind of love, we decided that finding love, true love, that ends in marriage and children is something that will be incredibly difficult, maybe impossible, to do here in LA. Yes, some people do find that here, but for the most part I think that this city is full of people looking for the next best thing. And, why not? Los Angeles is filled with the most beautiful, wealthy people on the planet...why settle down when you could have so many affairs with drop-dead gorgeous human beings? 30 is the new 20. 40 is the new 30. You can stay young and hot here for what seems like forever. Straight and gay alike, this city is not for the settling down type.

So where does that leave us? Nate is working for a company that he really enjoys but doesn't see a future there. I am working in a restaurant with people I truly like, looking for a second job to help with the bills, and trying to be an actor which is nearly impossible in this city. Both of us struggling financially, looking for an impossible love, and life...we're a little hopeless. Maybe hopeless isn't the right word. That sounds, well, hopeless.

It's hard because I am finally feeling like I'm getting to know Los Angeles a little more. I have more friends, I'm actually out on the dating scene, I love living downtown, and I really want to see what I can accomplish here. But, is the financial struggle, being so far from my family, and "fakeness" of this city really worth it? Hard to say. This is where I was last September. Trying to figure out if staying was the right decision. I've wanted to act for as long as I can remember, so that was a big deciding factor. I hadn't given LA a true, fair shot since I moved here because I was so wrapped up in my job for the last year and a half. Nate and I both signed a 6 month lease, which then goes month to month, so we have the option after June to get out if we want. That's kind of comforting. I just don't want to give up on my dream, and this city, too early. I don't want to move to Chicago, or anywhere, and a few months down the road realize that I left too soon.

Man, 25 sure is putting a lot of pressure on me to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. Thanks 25, thanks. I need another cup of coffee.

In the in between

Starting fresh. Kind of a scary thought.

But, then I realize that starting fresh, starting new, is healthy and one should do it often to create a better sense of self. It should not be shied away from.

I wanted to write about what being in your mid-twenties in Los Angeles (or any city, really) is actually like. The ups, the downs, the total crap we all go through as well as the absolutely amazing realities of what being in your mid-twenties in Los Angeles really are. I may bitch about this and that, as we all do, but in all honesty there isn't much to complain about. This is completely the age to be this age.

I am calling this In The In Between because that is where I feel the vast majority of us are. The in between. Between figuring out where we came from and where we are going. Between childhood and true adulthood. (Let's face it, paying bills and being out on our own doesn't completely make us adults...one has to add children to that mix to make it official.) Between who we have known and who we want to be.

You never know where life will lead you. Let's enjoy the ride, capture the moments and let ourselves be fully immersed in the beautiful melancholy that is life.